June is here and it is truly feeling like summer. I took a look at my goals for May to see how I am progressing. As usual, the goals I had complete control over were accomplished. I wanted to cycle three times a week and I am keeping to it. My goal for swimming is 8,000 to 9,000 meters a week and that has happened along with a new milestone in distance. This morning I had a very good 2,200 meter speed workout and broke two minutes on a few of my 100 meter repeats. Two goals that I have influence over, but not total control, I was 50/50 in achieving. My goal of no more injuries thankfully was achieved. My goal of running the half marathon between 2:19 and 2:30 fell short by four minutes. I do not think my training is to blame for my miss, nor did I set a goal I was not capable of reaching. It was a hot day, I cramped, and I faced hills. I learned from the experience and I am moving on. No sense looking back now that I have done my assessment of the experience.
Now looking forward – For June I have two races scheduled. My first triathlon of the season is June 10th. A very fun sprint triathlon with a longer cycle course. This will be my third year competing in the half mile swim, 17 mile bike and 5 kilometer run. This year I hope to finish under 1:50 for the entire race. The areas I hope to see the most improvement in are my swimming and running. A secondary improvement is to cut down my transition times a bit. That makes the difference between a 1:49:30 and a 1:50:55 if I don’t scoot out of transition quickly. The next weekend on June 17th I am running a ten mile race, my make up for the race I missed in April. I have two ideas of finish times – the desired time and the stretch time. Let’s just say for now the desired time is to finish under 1:45, which would be a PR in the ten mile course for me for sure. The stretch time – well I am still working on truly believing there….
Which leads to what has been on my mind today. By nature I am an analytical person. Quantifiable details matter to me. That is where believing is easy. If it adds up, it is there and can not be denied. Seeing is believing. But is that faith? Faith that I am able, capable, confident, worthy- that is subjective. It is human nature to first seek without for confirmation than within. It is also common to seek approval, confirmation, or acceptance outside of our circle of confidants. My default thinking at times is “of course she is going to say she believes in me. She is my best friend and has to see me everyday. She isn’t going to tell me that I am a failure. But if that really fast runner thinks I can do it, then I must since she isn’t one of my close friends.” The thing is – that is the result of weak thinking from within due to not building my own confidence in myself. Who else would know me better than those closest to me? Who else should know me better than me? Well, sometimes we have doubts and our worst critic is ourselves.
A good analogy I was recently given is that we are the Sun in our solar system of relationships. The Sun is powerful and strong, as should I be in believing in myself. The closest planets in our orbit are the relationships that deserve to be in our inner circle. The acquaintances are the planets further out in the ring of orbits. Working on believing in myself so that I will shine like the Sun and valuing the people dearest to me – my Mercuries, Venuses, and Earths – are where I should be focusing. And let the Plutos do their own thing out in the far orbits separate from me. So my goals for June – PR my triathlon and ten mile races and shine like the Sun celebrating life with the most awesome people dearest to me.