The Fray wrote the song All At Once and the chorus contains a phrase I consider profound. “Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.” Today I discovered how painfully true these words are. This morning I had to put my 18 year old cat Kosey down. Out of my five pets, he is the first I have lost. It was time and I know the right thing was to end his misery. It was also the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Yes, today the hardest thing and the right thing were the same.
Since I started writing this blog I have said that not every day is a good day. Today certainly is not. But there is some good in the day. Honestly, that is hard to find right now. Instead of sharing his sufferings in the end, I will celebrate the life he lived. That is my good today. With that – here is the life of Kosey.
Born December 8, 1994 to a litter of six, I adopted two cats from the crew. At the time I named them Molly and Katie. Being a late bloomer, I discovered that Katie was a boy within the first two weeks. I got to know him and his personality so when I chose a name, I found Kosey in a baby name book and knew it was a perfect fit. Kosey is an Egyptian name that means lion. His entire life he was the best cuddling pet I owned. He loved to cuddle and be cozy. Additionally he had a little protective streak in him and would nip out if provoked. He definitely had lion ancestry in him. So Kosey fit perfectly. By eight weeks old he knew to hit the heating vent for comfort.
Cuddling up with Molly as a kitten and then with my dogs later in life was very common.
And most of all he spent his time with my puppy Priscilla. She is five now, but the youngest and smallest, so she will always be my puppy.
Kosey also was a great interior decorator for me… I installed Brazilian Cherry flooring through most of the house after he showed me how much he didn’t like the carpeting. Despite the expense, I would not have chosen a different cat. And the house looks much better anyway.
The unconditional love of a pet is a very special bond. Cats especially have a way of showing their appreciation for my love in return. Kosey had a motor on him that was an instant sign he was content. He would purr when petted, brushed, and yes even when Barnabas (a dog) would lick his head and clean his ears. Kosey was a big guy, topping the scale at 19 pounds at his heaviest. He was a bit overweight, but he was big boned too (ya, likely excuse, right?). For his size, he was solid. No belly flab at all. That was fine with me, all the more to cuddle with. And that I did last night for the entire evening. I knew time was running out and I wanted to cherish what time I had left with him. Eighteen years is a long life for a cat. I am blessed to have had those years with him. Fortunately his sister Molly is still spry and active.
This morning I swam. It went well, but my heart was not in it. I knew what I had to do later. I have never wanted time to go by so fast yet also freeze. Dreading taking him to the vet made me want to speed the clock up and get it over with. Holding him in my lap and crying on the kitchen floor made me want to freeze that moment in time. I was with him in the end and it was peaceful. This evening I will run. And as I did the day after my mother died, I will run hard and release the pain and sorrow.